Sep. 10, 2008 - Issue #673: Sex in the City 2008
Naked dinner
What are the chances of dining in the buff at Edmonton restaurants?
Don’t get too excited. This isn’t happening in Edmonton—not that I know of anyway. Yet. But a not-so-quick flight to New York would put you in the midst of all the action. Clothing Optional Dinners are held monthly at some of that city’s more liberal eating establishments and appear to be taking off—literally. The idea isn’t meant to shock or titillate; it’s simply to allow people to express themselves in the way they feel most comfortable—and in this case, that would be without clothes. They actually feel best dining naked.
If you’re the oh-so-comfortable-in-your-own-skin sort, dining “au naturale” may actually appeal, and might even excite you. So I decided to do a little impromptu, slightly disorganized and extremely unscientific survey of a few restaurants around our fine city. No long list of questions, no formal poll, just a quick conversation on their thoughts regarding the naked dining phenomenon and whether they would open their doors for such a function.
This innocent little question turned out to be not quite so innocent. After a few “you’re kiddings”, some “no comments” and even the loud click of an abrupt hang-up, a few gracious people were kind enough to share their thoughts on this apparently bizarre topic.
One of the first people I talked to was Joe Rustom at Parkallen Restaurant. They serve their pita bread wrapped in little individual packages so that someone else’s hand doesn’t accidentally brush against your pita when they’re retrieving theirs from the basket; he’s very much into keeping things clean and sanitary and I thought he may have some interesting insights on this whole nude dining concept.
And he did. When I asked if he would ever consider hosting such a function, his immediate response, other than laughter, was “No, no, no, no, no.” He thought it would expose them to just too many liabilities of a personal nature—spilling hot liquids on bare skin and other exposed body parts, cutting their feet on broken glass (does nude always mean no shoes?) and a host of other issues. He said he’s learned that if something can go wrong, it will go wrong and he’s always afraid of the “what ifs.”
But he thought it was a great idea overall and one he wouldn’t mind participating in—although he admitted his wife might have a different thought or two on the matter. And when I asked if he’d host such an event if the participants signed a waiver, he said he’d be all for it. Without all the liability issues, he figured it would be a blast to hold a little nude dining soirée at Parkallen—and he thought they could fill up all 70 seats in a snap.
Other restaurants had a slightly different reaction.
Penny Buckner from Café Mosaics was taken somewhat off-guard by the question, her first thought being a loud and clear “Ewwwww.” She found the idea funny and somewhat disgusting, but certainly not appealing in the least. There was not even a smidgen of uncertainty in her voice when she stated that there would be no way that her restaurant would entertain nude diners.
Peter Pepin over at Block 1912 was slightly stronger in vocalizing his disapproval. He just didn’t see why anyone would even want to dine out without any clothes on whatsoever—“Why would they want to do that? Why?”—and was unwavering in his declaration that they just would never do that. It simply goes against everything they believe in. He did find the thought of people actually having to undress for dinner instead of dressing up quite funny though.
I thought I best check with one of Capital Health’s Environmental Health Officers and see if there were any real health concerns that might arise from nude dining or any that might prohibit it. After a few too many phone calls (I think they thought it was a joke), Nelson Fok was kind enough to share his professional opinion with me. And the good news is that there are no strict health concerns with dining in the buff—other than the chairs that all the naked behinds would be perched on. New York diners solved that little dilemma by bringing their own cushions to sit on, which is a very comforting thought.
He did say diners may be more apt to find hairs in their food simply because more hair would be exposed. It doesn’t represent a health concern (hair doesn’t stay in food long enough for bacterial growth) but it may curdle a few stomachs. And then there’s always the issue of spilling hot liquids—clothes do provide a bit more of a barrier.
We did have a little conversation about an Edmonton restaurant that offered a nude buffet, but it’s not quite what you’re thinking. Customers were treated to the opportunity of eating food off of a naked female’s body. There was a twist, though: food needs to be served on a sanitary surface something the human body is definitely not. This all-important dilemma was solved by wrapping the body (or bodies) in Saran Wrap.
So if you have this unrelenting desire to eat dinner minus all the usual constrictions, your best bet just may be to give Joe over at Parkallen Restaurant a call. Or hop a plane to New York. V
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