Sep. 06, 2006 - Issue #568: Sex in the City

That’s what you get, folks, for makin’ whoopee

You scored! Congratulations! Perhaps you scored again with the same person, got to likin’ it, got hitched and had a kid. Perhaps the new arrival was less than planned. Any way you slice it, your restaurant requirements have changed. Vue Weekly’s Sex Issue presents … Munching with Munchkins.

It was 5 pm, and I was way too tired to think about dinner. I needed a place nearby that would distract my toddler, serve her food quickly and preferably offer me a glass of wine.
I called up a similarly child-equipped dad as a wing man and to bring company for my daughter. (Dinners go more smoothly when everybody travels in pairs.) I grabbed her backpack of toys and books, a change of clothes I just knew I’d need, and we made our exit.

In general, “kid-friendly” means chain. The larger franchises have toys, kid menus and screaming sections. Fast food joints with a playroom are easy, but I wanted some nutritious choices where I don’t eat off a plastic tray.

East Side Mario’s is one of the best. I’ve seen genuinely friendly staff offer to hold screaming infants while Mom finishes her meal. The brightly-coloured décor mishmash is distracting in itself, and crayons help keep our toddlers busy while we check out the menus.

We’re happy with the Italian-inspired fare, and kids’ options range up to $5.49, including milk/juice/pop, their choice of toy(s) from the treasure chest and three tiny ice cream cones in three flavours. (Upgrade to a super sundae for 99 cents.) Bread and soup or salad come out right away to take the edge off everyone’s hunger, and a hostess walks around handing out helium balloons!

Lighter on the giveaways but even easier on the budget, Denny’s woos parents with free kid’s meals on Tuesday and Saturday evenings. They hand out new crayons and the photo-heavy menu lets my daughter point to pick: choose an entrée and a side for under $5 out of some surprisingly healthful options. Funky drink beakers and yummy dessert choices aside, the best part of Denny’s is the speed of service: food is delivered almost as quickly as the drinks, which is important in managing the under-10 crowd. Of course, I could just let the restaurant entertain them. At the Chuck E Cheese theme park/arcade/pizzeria/dinner theatre, overstimulated 4- to 12-year-olds can run wild in their natural environment. Dazed dads and mystified moms pay for overpriced food, plastic cups full of beer and the tokens that transform into prize tickets through games of skill. (Thousands of tickets are required in exchange for the best of branded shirts, hats and toys.) It’s paradise, but not for the faint of heart.

There are, however, options besides the Kidtopia of animatronic mice. The Outback Steakhouse has a great kid’s menu and enough background noise to absorb rowdier prepubescents. Boston Pizza will serve their entrées to please the pickiest eaters, from sauces on the side to a plate where no food touches another. Plastic cups with lids and straws are a nice touch. The Jungle Jim’s child menu has an ape mask on the opposite side and their bamboo environment is a delight to toddlers and tweens.

Finally, if my tastes ran to the ethnic, I would hit Noodle Express in Mill Woods. The fast food approach allows for quick dining and tile floors are easy for the smiling staff to clean after a child-fuelled rice explosion. My daughter adores the fancier Matahari as well, with their tables mounted in a huge wooden boat and an enormous, hypnotic koi pond running down the centre of the restaurant. Their entrées are inexpensive tastes of the Orient.

If I see linen napkins or candlelit tables, I know better than to chance it, but dining with my daughter doesn’t automatically mean a Happy Meal. Edmonton has quite a few options for feeding families, where extra noise and smaller portions are par for the course. Keep the Crayola-coloured place mat for the fridge and remember the waitress who helped you out of a culinary crisis when you calculate your tip. V

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