May. 26, 2010 - Issue #762: Timeland

Queermonton

Guide to Pride

Tips on the difficult road to coming out and living proud

Figuring out one's sexual identity is a pretty scary journey. It's hard to know how or where to begin when modern day life seems to have presented you with little knowledge and few guidelines. But if coming out did have a manual, it would probably look something like this:Congratulations on discovering your brand new Homosexual Identity from HomoCo! We hope that you enjoy your latest addition. Before you start taking your newfound toy all around town, please read these guidelines to help get you started. Remember, no refunds.

Know Your History
Millions of people have fought for the rights that you enjoy today. Don't ever forget that those same rights can always be easily taken away. If you live in Alberta, you know this firsthand. An integral part of truly celebrating the liberties we've achieved is being educated in the ways that they were won. This scene should never be all about same-sex kisses and partying down. Remember Vriend, Milk, Kramer, Martin & Lyon, Frank, Trudeau, Lorde, Hester and all the people who have fought and continue to fight for you to be not "special" but same.

Danger, Danger
LGBTQ people are more prone to a lot of unpleasant things like addiction, medical issues, bullying, depression and suicide. It's not as if queers are genetically predisposed to bad behaviour. I have not a single doubt that a more inclusive society would completely erase almost all of the above increased concerns. A gay man becomes an alcoholic because the bar is the only place he feels safe. A transgirl turns to sex work when her parents have kicked her out. There are thousands of organizations out there dedicated to helping you live a happier, safer and more fulfilling life. Use them.

Dating is hard
OK so listen, the romantic world is probably not going to come all that easy to you. You can't just ask out your classmate in Social Studies 20 or the waterboy for your basketball team. Or maybe you can, depending on where you live and your courage level. Most of us unfortunately currently live in environments where the workplace, school, church, etc are not safe and welcoming places to engage in the dating scene. Instead we have to use little nods to let that cute girl on the bus know that we like girls too, be it with loud coloured high-tops or a strategically placed rainbow pin. Thankfully many local groups now exist to take gay dating outside of the club scene, but finding the right one and getting involved can be really tough.

That being said, you know who dating is easy for? No one. Not ridiculously hot straight chicks, super rich hetero boys or anyone else on the planet. Yes, our tinier dating pool and societal stumbling blocks may make for a slightly wider minefield, but trust me, things are tough for the heteros too.

Stay Protected
Homophobes don't hate you, they hate the idea of you. Never take it personally, you'll wear yourself out. Stand up where you can, but only when safe to do so. We can only promote tolerance with one changed mind at a time so always remember to exchange in calm and respectful debate. Be educated, know the laws, know the statistics, know your stuff. Reason and logic are your best friends because you are, without a doubt, on the correct side of the argument.

Be Yourself
We are not all the same. Nothing about who you are has changed. You don't have to cut or frost your hair, buy new jeans, get any sort of plaid (butch or hipster) or alter your personality in any kind of way. Your friends and your family have always loved you for who you are and their biggest fear will be that this makes you something different now. Stay true.

Change the World
Full queer acceptance will happen, but you can't just wait it out. Live proud and live loud.  

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