Feb. 01, 2012 - Issue #850: Godot
Parade of stars
Our panel of 'stars' discusses what could make the All-Star Game even better
The Oilers just returned from the All-Star Break so this update is easy. Jordan Eberle recovered from injury in time to be the lone Oiler rep at the game. The Oilers returned with a big 3-2 win against Colorado. Now it is time to go to the In The Box Panel for some thoughts on the NHL All-Star Game. The In The Box Panel is a ragtag group of Oilers fans (and a token Flames supporter for balance) with opinions on stuff.
In The Box Panel Question
"The NHL took its annual break for the All-Star Game. The format of the game has changed dramatically recently. What are the most outrageous changes you would make to the All-Star Game that you believe would make it a can't-miss event (or at least a bit more entertaining)?"
Stoop and Pander like Anton Lander
Although hockey fans have some input into the current format of the All-Star game, the league is clearly not pandering enough to the general public to generate the robust viewership it desires. It's time to stoop to conquer. Turn the selection of the All-Star teams into a reality show that's just one more unimaginative rip-off of American Idol, Big Brother and Survivor. Make sure the players are mic'd up both on and off the ice, so every last expletive is recorded for posterity. The skills competition could include fighting and cheap shot components. There could even be a crossover with America's Next Top Model, where players compete to pick up the wannabe models at the bar, then participate in a nude photo shoot with pucks and sticks as props. Talk about fierce! Come on Bettman, let's go for the lowest common denominators: sex and violence. Can you feel the synergy?
Kelly Santarossa, synergist
Be a Clown like Dave Brown
I quite like the direction that the All-Star Weekend has headed. The league has all but abandoned any delusions of the game being meaningful and has started focusing on the fun of the game and the personalities and skills of its players. And the All-Star Draft, where players pick their own teammates, was risky but works. The only change I'd make: get a couple of hockey-literate comedians to ride shotgun with the team captains during the All-Star Draft to add some jokes, funny comments and zingers to keep things moving. Suggested comedians: Will Arnett, Bill Burr, Russell Peters, Mike Myers, Norm Macdonald, Brent Butt, Sean Avery. Oh, and a Trivia contest should be part of the Skills Competition.
David Young, old guy of In The Box
Make it a Circus like Tony Hrkac (it rhymes, really!)
Honestly, I would make the All-Star Game mean something like it does in MLB. That or maybe have the All-Star more of a Circus of the Stars kind of affair. As long as the nets under the trapeze were sound there'd be almost no chance of concussions for either side.
Eric Newby, Oiler fan/photographer/podcaster in Vancouver
Don't Change a Thing like ... Steve Tambellini
Glow in the dark. Seriously though, I love the All-Star game as it's constructed. It's a great showcase for raw skill and the player in me absolutely loves that. The only way I see it getting "better" is if it gets competitive in some way, but that's unlikely to happen due to injury risk.
Justin Azevedo, Flames fan, blogger, podcaster
Make it a mélange, like Eric Belang(er)
Why not mix it up in the All-Star Game? I mean, it's not like the game means anything, or has any shred of legitimacy that it may have once had. Why not throw Brian Burke and Kevin Lowe on skates and let them go at it? Why not let Paul Bissonette and Sean Avery come and have a mid-intermission chirping competition? Let Don Cherry coach. Make Bettman play in goal. Have Ron McLean referee it while mic'd up, and Dave Hodge flips pens at him. Is Dave Coulier still playing celebrity tournaments? How about a Lanny McDonald versus George Parros shootout, with the loser shaving his moustache at centre ice, rasslin' style? Make it a mix of current stars, former stars, media personalities and really weird shit. I've got tons more ideas NHL, and my email address is readily available within this very paper.
Bryan Birtles, your sister's future ex-husband
Oilers Player of the week
Philippe Cornet: A surprising call-up, got an assist against Colorado. DY
Jordan Eberle: The only Oiler at the All-Star Game. BB
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