Sex, Lust and Love Survey Results

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Vue Weekly Sex, Lust and Love Survey Results

At long last, Vue Weekly’s Sex, Lust and Love issue. About three months ago we decided it was our business to know what Edmontonians were doing behind closed doors, but we didn’t think we could just walk up to you and ask, so we devised a plan and built a survey. And wouldn’t you believe it, Edmontonians just volunteered all sorts of intimate details of their kinky lives. We learned some new things, and we hope you will, too. Enjoy!

1) Are you a guy or a girl?

58% Guys
42% Girls

This was supposed to be an easy question but even some of you got it wrong!

2) Are you Straight, Gay or Bisexual?

	Female	Male
Straight	81%	80%
Gay	5%	11%
Bi-Sexual	14%	9%

Well, there it is! This shows that the portion of straight people in the two genders are virtually equal. The big news is the amount of bisexual ladies, who outnumber gays three to one. Perhaps lesbians are less likely to read our paper, or they just thought this survey was silly!
Results like these can cause heart conditions and palpations to members of the Conservative party. Card carrying members of said party should dismiss responses as propaganda.

3) How old are you?

	Female	Male
13-17	5%	4%
18-27	57%	42%
28-37	25%	31%
38-45	10%	11%
46+	2%	12%

The vast majority of us are between 18 and 37 but if you are sitting somewhere and you see a guy and a girl, each reading this paper, the guy is probably older.
I hope you didn’t lie because we’ve already done the retina scan and all your information, including your age, income level, Bank PIN, is currently being processed by our service department.

4) Your commitment level is….

	Female Straight	Female Queer	Male Straight	Male Queer
Single	27%	27%	27%	53%
Attached (not married)	57%	36%	34%	30%
Married	12%	15%	33%	11%
Just screwing around	4%	21%	6%	6%

For the purposes of this question, those who answered bisexual and gay will be placed in the queer file. We only have so much space! Wow, the single girls love having partners but aren’t rushing to the altar, where it seems their boyfriends are waiting.
Nice and even, and notice that we didn’t specify that those just screwing around had to be single. But again, the divorced are not included. Time to file a human rights claim.

5) Since last year, are you…

	Female Straight	Female Queer	Male Straight	Male Queer
Same story, new year	67%	49%	69%	74%
Newly single	16%	27%	13%	18%
Attached to someone new	17%	24%	18%	8%

What can you say? Gay girls are changing while everyone is keeping it the same!
Ah, Edmonton, so reliable year after year.

6) How many years older/younger is your current partner or most recent ex?

	Female Straight	Female Queer	Male Straight	Male Queer
0-2 Years	47%	55%	53%	43%
3-5 Years	31%	18%	26%	8%
6-10 Years	15%	18%	15%	18%
11 + Years	7%	9%	6%	10%

The girls like em a few years apart. Queers seem to want a few more years difference. Hmm.

7) Who is older?

	Female Straight	Female Queer	Male Straight	Male Queer
You	26%	27%	69%	61%
Your partner	63%	67%	24%	33%
Same age	11%	6%	7%	6%

We didn’t define same age, but I guess we’ll have to assume within a year. What else to we learn from this question? We’re not sure.
Are you a Tom? Or are you a Katie? Maybe you’re a Demi? Ashton? Is that you?

8) How long is/was your longest relationship?

	Female Straight	Female Queer	Male Straight	Male Queer
Less than 1 year	22%	36%	25%	39%
2-6 years	56%	52%	46%	33%
7-10 years	10%	6%	8%	14%
More than 10 years	12%	6%	8%	14%

Holy cow! An average of 30 percent of you haven’t had a relationship last longer than a year. I can’t make a funny comment about that cause it’s just sad. Either that or you’re still in high school.

9) When you started your relationship, were you both single?

	Female Straight	Female Queer	Male Straight	Male Queer
Yes	86%	64%	83%	84%
No	14%	36%	17%	16%

You queer girls are either breaking hearts or having yours broken. Which is it?

10) In the last month, How many times have you had sex?

	Female Straight	Female Queer	Male Straight	Male Queer
None	19%	21%	24%	29%
1-6	30%	28%	40%	43%
7-14	29%	18%	20%	22%
15-30	19%	21%	14%	6%
30 +	4%	12%	3%	0%

Yeah sure, more than 30 times a month. You girls are machines! Either you must be a porn star or you didn’t realize that we meant sex with another person. Masturbation, or the use of blow-up dolls and/or vibrators/dildos doesn’t count unless you are with another person.

11) Do you want it more often than you get it?

	Female Straight	Female Queer	Male Straight	Male Queer
Yes	70%	76%	73%	84%
No	30%	24%	27%	16%

Who wants less sex? What kind of person are you? I mean really, I truly want to know.
If you hear the phrase “honey, please get off me. I am not in the mood,” you are most likely dating a straight chick.

12) On average, How many orgasms do you have per session with your partner?

	Female Straight	Female Queer	Male Straight	Male Queer
None	16%	9%	5%	4%
1	49%	48%	70%	63%
2	19%	18%	19%	33%
More than 2	16%	24%	7%	2%

If you are dating a guy, count your blessings if you get two out of him. Phew. Looks like I’m with the majority. One and only one.

13) How many times have you masturbated in the last month? (previous 30 days)

	Female Straight	Female Queer	Male Straight	Male Queer
None	11%	3%	9%	2%
1-6	55%	37%	29%	25%
7-14	22%	33%	24%	33%
15-25	10%	15%	17%	16%
26+	2%	12%	20%	24%

No doubt, those on the 26+ list are men. Right guys? Most of them are masturbating as we read. In fact, if you call your male friend on the phone and he doesn’t answer, odds are he’s jerking off!

14) How old were you when you first masturbated?

	Female Straight	Female Queer	Male Straight	Male Queer
1-6	10%	12%	3%	4%
7-10	14%	27%	14%	18%
11-12	19%	31%	33%	47%
13-14	19%	6%	36%	25%
15-16	14%	9%	11%	6%
17-18	8%	3%	1%	0%
18+	16%	12%	2%	0%

11-14 seem to be the years of exploration for the young boys. Huge percentages; while the girls either got going early or waited until they could handle it.
Okay my questions is for those of you who first masturbated after turning 18: what the heck were you doing in your teens? You know there’s no law saying you had to be legal to play with yourself. You do know that?

15) Have you ever experimented with someone outside your sexual orientation?

	Female Straight	Female Queer	Male Straight	Male Queer
Absolutely Never	17%	0%	57%	19%
Not yet but you never know	45%	13%	22%	8%
Please don’t remind me	9%	37%	10%	23%
Sure have, worth a try	29%	50%	16%	50%

To begin with,we didn’t include the bisexuals in these results because, well they’re bisexual! Queer Edmontonians seem to have sent us a message that they’re game for switch hitting. So those interested, give it a go. Straight guys, however, don’t even try. They might freak out!
Ahh, college. We all experimented in college and we all know it didn’t mean a thing. What, you didn’t experiment in college? I mean, uhhh, neither did I? I was just speaking hypothetically, yeah yeah, that’s it’s.

Sex, Lust and Love Survey Results

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