Mar. 10, 2011 - Issue #803 : A city by the people

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Lust For Life

Steak and sex

Two holidays should be celebrated more honestly

Brenda Kerber

This Monday, March 14, is Steak and Blowjob Day. Perhaps you didn't know that, as it's not exactly a national holiday yet. While many men claim to be the originators, there's no proof as to who actually first thought of the idea. But the point behind it is simple and clear. Valentine's Day is a holiday made up for women so they can get what they want—romantic dinners, proclamations of love and expensive gifts. Men should have a holiday just for them so they can get what they want: steak and a blowjob.

I'm sure anyone who knows me would suspect that I would hate this idea. After all, it's utterly rife with sexual stereotyping. A lot of the stuff you read on the net about Steak and Blowjob Day is downright misogynistic. A friend of a friend actually went so far as to call it "steak and a blowjob and shut-the-fuck-up day."

The notion that women just want flowers and jewelry and men just want sex is not only insulting, it's laughable. I spoke to over a hundred women in the days leading up to Valentine's Day who were making plans for their partners and pretty much all of them were hoping that their V-Day romance plans would end with some serious action. Most women I know would be much more excited over a new sex toy and someone to play with than a dozen roses.

And let's not forget that for a lot of couples, there is no penis involved at all, or there are two penises. So, yes, the construct of Steak and Blowjob Day is problematic. However, I think it's something we can work with. What makes this holiday unique is the object is laid right out on the table. With Valentine's Day, we are supposed to pretend what we want is a romantic dinner and a dozen roses when really we just want to get laid. Steak and Blowjob Day seems much more honest: you never have to ask your honey what he wants.

But why should only men be allowed this freedom to be so direct? Wouldn't it be nice for all of us to have a day that allows us to unabashedly acknowledge that sex is awesome and that we want it? So many of us, especially those of us who've been in a monogamous relationship for a long time, relegate sex to the back burner. It's nice when you can find the time, but there are so many other things that tend to come first. This would be at least one day to remind us that sex is important and it really is OK to want it, to ask for it and to even celebrate it.

I propose that we take out all of the reference to gender and just celebrate the things that are important to us. Instead of Valentine's Day being the women's holiday and Steak and Blowjob Day the men's holiday, we could make February 14 the love celebration and March 14 the sex celebration. Of course, we would be free to mix and match and celebrate both on both days, but wouldn't this be so much more inclusive and liberating? I encourage you to make March 14 Food and Sex Day. But take my advice and enjoy your sex before the food, as digestion does not mix well with great sex. Build up an appetite and then enjoy a great dinner with the one(s) you lust. V

Brenda Kerber is a sexual health educator who has worked with local not-for-profits since 1995. She is the owner of the Edmonton-based sex-positive adult toy boutique, The Traveling Tickle Trunk.