Oct. 26, 2011 - Issue #836: Winter Guide 2011
How to keep cool
In life, there is one thing you can always turn to for endless lessons and revelations: Seinfeld. From the proper way to order soup to the true meaning of the holiday season (The Airing of Grievances, a Festivus for the rest of us!), it is the one thing that will never let you down. Naturally, style can be drawn from this sitcom too. I give you your new fall/winter 2011 fashion inspiration:
"Witchay Woman" and "Desperado."
WITCHAY WOMAN
The Nicole Miller: Maxi dresses are not only chic and flattering but just plain sensible for winter. They are effortlessly elegant and provide ample coverage for your chilled bones. When picking out the perfect frock, lace detailing is encouraged. Beware of salt stains.
The More Than A Man Fur: It is about time we start embracing our Canadian heritage and what this country was truly founded upon: fur. Ethics aside, there is nothing warmer than a pelt of dead animal draped upon you. If you are uncomfortable with this idea, I recommend starting off small—a weasel neckpiece will do. Or fun fur ... whatever.
The Velvet Fog: No witchay outfit is complete without a little black velvet. George Costanza's dreams have finally come true—it is beyond socially acceptable to drape oneself entirely in velvet. Feel free to pace yourself on this radical idea. A velvet blazer is a nice place to start—it's a gateway velvet. Be warned: it's a slippery slope to a crushed velvet void.
DESPERADO
The Man Fur: It is time to get rugged and stop complaining about the eight months of winter. Do something about it: trap a fur or move.
The European Carry All: A satchel fit for an outlaw vagabond ... or some guy with more than an overstuffed wallet and a phone. Just remember: it is not a purse. It's not a lie if you truly believe it.
The Giddyup Bandana: Scarves are overdone. Ties are too dressy. Topographic-map-printed bandana's are where it's at—a Death Valley-themed one is the apogee of bandit style. This needs no elaboration. Unfortunately you will have to put off wearing your "Urban Sombrero" for the next six to eight months.
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